NY trip journal

I m glad I'm here. It feels already as I never left yet I have... I first felt very sad, powerless, angry and don't get me wrong, I will experience these feeling on and off (especially once back to Montreal Nursing Boot Camp). This being said, it is interesting for me to be here. I can tell that unless I would have gotten a visa, things wouldn't have evolved much for me. I would still have been cut up with waiting tables, the williamsburg frenzy and what comes with it. I made so many interesting non expected (no coincidence though) encounters. Such as meeting this guy I had a huge crush on (some williamsburg successful artist and well respected dude who had treated me like a queen and then not so much like a queen). Seeing him again at this cafe was a blessing, he now seems so empty, so full of himself and so cut up with being Mr. most wanted bachelor. That same day, I end up walking in front of a bar and saw this guy I use to work with. He offered me a drink. Seing him being cut up working at the bar, talking about the same things, doing the same things was also a blessing cause I realised I needed to get out of that. Yes I use to be this cool girl, knowing it all in the burg, knowing lots of cool dudes and artists doing great things and I don't underestimate that. I did feel like I belonged to something greater and larger than life but coming back makes me realise that I needed to move forward. Having moved out, doing what I do now is a necessary evil considering what happened. If things would have happened as planned, I would still be in NY, would have moved forward getting jobs in what I liked to do most. It was a dream and it still is. So yes I go through painful moments of I could have, I dreamed that, I would have been, etc.. But the truth is things happened. And I didn't have much choice then to continue my life the way it was or to change this unproductive circle I was in. Given the circumpstances, I do know now that I took the right decision (and that's huge for me to realise). This doesn't prevent me to feel sad about my dreams being crushed and feeling powerless in front of my destiny. I think it is huge for me to realise that I took the right decision given the shitty circumpstances I was in. If this trip only makes me realise this, then that's quite something.