This Warm War We're In

Wake up this morn or should I say didn't... 7 AM's too early to work for CAN $7.75/Hr. Who does dare paying their employee such a ridiculous amount? Volunteer work it is. And since I only give my time to serious matters... Who wants to be expoited? not me (made me feel thankful I still have the luxury to choose not to).. That was for my first & last time at a temp agency. I decided then to sleep until 2 pm and take a day off in this abnormally warm city. It took me awhile to understand that, in Montreal, winter time is all about being dressed accordingly... Therefore I look like an unattractive female from some Schoeneae tribe for the entire winter aka 8 months per year but yet I'm warm and happy. This hostile cold city has surprised me quite much lately. First of all, not everybody's listening to techno and hates America and Canadians (too many still do though).. but also I am Sweating under my « Arctic Yellowknife down-insulated made in Canada » coat. In this Christmassy time, Montreal is warm as hell... I should selfishly be excited by the facts but yet feel worried... reminds me of this « end of the world » feeling everybody had in the late 70's about some nuclear Soviet/American bomb destroying our planet. Cold War it was, Warm War we have now.. What have we done ? Why aren't we alarmed ? What are we doing? I'm Pissed off.. We are such arrogant/ignorant/territorial/in denial/short term thinking bastards. We use our power as cowards and create this precarious situation for our progeny. I sometimes have little hope in humankind..

Soul is Matter

Have you ever thought that objects have a Soul? I always have. Started with my dog Pluto (made by maman)... and then Pateau, a lazy dog bought at Fisher Price... I had the leash and all. Everybody knows dogs need to go out to pee... Then, there was the little playmobil girl called Petite Soeur and her sister Clémentine as well... I've always then felt sad for all the objects and things that serve us and that we forget about... us, human beings are so ungrateful. Bags for example, they carry our shit all day long and do we ever think of them? It must be so sad to be a bag... worse, imagine being a plastic bag... some montreal weak plastic bag, carrying the grocery of some clubsy man in an ice storm... getting riped in the middle by the high tech packaging of some cold meat, holding on to dear life while banging into street walkers, being naked in the snow as the savage opens the door and once in the warmth of some apartment, being raped and thrown in a smelly garbage can without a single chance to be recycled. Folks, that's rough... Maybe we should be more appreciative for Things, us, greedy human beings.

Fear & Loathing in NY

Commiting to Life & Facing our Fears takes courage dear Friend You say you'd rather spend the nights drunk with the cheap girls. I know you're not shallow. I've seen you being a Good Man. We both know you hide behind booze & lust. We both know you've been hurt before. Hurt I am too. You could have walked away speaking the Truth. Our common ennemy, Time, is running. One day we're here, and the next, gone. How long are you gonna crawl up in Fear? Is it a choice, a preference, cowardice? Respect's fading while Anger & Sadness remain. Face Yourself. You owe it to the Man I know You Are.

hold me tight...

Wild thing, I think I love you. But I wanna know for sure. Come on, hold me tight. Wild thing, you make my heart sing, you make Everything grooving... Come on and hold me tight. You move me. Wild thing, hold me tight ... I love you.

Migraine Aura

School's never been my cup of tea. It was then legit that my first Migraine Aura had to be at a location I loathed. I was 13, dazed by the rumbling voice of Professor Vocat, my math/drawing teacher (I know, this dude obvioulsy had two distinctive passions) when the numbers on the blackboard transformed themselves into yellow beams... I felt high but yet wasn't. How could I? My fragile complexion refused to endure any toxic/chemical substance anyway. At the time, I tried to do drugs. I tried really hard... I remember hiding behind the school building trying to smoke in a femme fatale fashion like Sean Young in Blade Runner. But my lungs rejected any single puff not even taking into consideration that I was offering them mint malboro light... light to be gentle with them and mint just in case I'd have to kiss a boy passing by... Ungratful the body can be! The Buzz was still there... Visual distortions were sent to my cortex and I didn't know what to do with this prodrome... I thought I should warn my estranged schoolmates about this. Well behaved I was (simply because shy) therefore I had to raise my right arm and point my 13 yrs old index to the ceiling. That's when I realized my hand was numb.. Paralized of the right hand I now was... I was now bathing in a world made of bright colors, shadows and foggy entities... Professor Vocat was a spectre enunciating disapearing numbers.. My mates moving halo figures... The situation was now serious. Timid I was. However I gathered the little courage I had to express my distress. With all my strenght I raised my right arm now disconnected from its hand. To my stupor, inintelligible words came out of my mouth. I was now unable to emit any coherant sound.. I thought I was dying.

Ce n'est qu'un Au Revoir...

Déjà tu me manques... Mais je sais qu'on se retrouvera car c'est ici que je me suis trouvée... C'est ici que j'ai appris qui j’étais, ce dont j’étais capable. Ici, sur ton bitume, se sont déroulés les moments charniers de ma vie. Comme un puzzle je compose, décompose... emménage, déménage... persévère, envisage... Notre relation est ambiguë, je la voudrais simple. A chaque pas dans ton port, tu ne me donnes guère le droit de rester; et moi qui croyait que tu m'aimais. Car un si grand Amour ne peut être a sens unique... Attachée je suis et attachante tu es. Tu me laisse te savourer pour ensuite mieux me renvoyer vers des destinations mièvres... Rien n'a ton odeur, ton tempérament, rien ne se compare a toi et tu le sais... Belle et fière tu te tiens... Tu prends comme tu donnes et ce jeu me semble honnête mais ne me déracine pas... Devrais-je me résigner?... Peut-être qu’être ta locataire n'est pas inscrit dans les étoiles? Peut-être que nous ne sommes pas fait l'une pour l'autre. Je n'en crois rien. Qu'importe la nature de notre relation, moi je t'aime tel que tu es et toi aussi tu m'as acceptée. Je le sais, je le sens... Devrais-je m’avouer vaincue et te quitter à jamais?... Cette simple idée me donne la nausée. Je reviendrais conquérante c'est une promesse.

Et j'ai crié

Attachée je le suis... Ces morceaux intrinsèques de toi dans ma chair, ici comme la-bas... la distance ne les désanime point. Toujours et partout, tu es avec moi... que tu le veuilles ou pas, c'est comme ça. Je ne résiste plus, âmes sœurs nous sommes et le seront... ne nous abandonnons pas dans cette peur perfide qu'est la séparation... elle n'est que piège. Je sais, la tentation est présente... le doute... L'espace et le temps se font complices en tant que compagnons illusoires... Souviens toi que seule notre union est réelle. Notre lien tangible, encre dans mon être, au delà des limites et peurs qui font de nous, créatures fragiles, des êtres aimables et attachants... Âmes sœurs nous sommes et le resteront... Gardons foi... unies nous sommes, c'est comme ça...

Kaurismaki I am enamoured with your Films

I want to be the Passing by Character in La Vie de Boheme, wear These Boots to Hire a Contract Killer and redeem myself for Juha. Those were the Days...

Antomania

All I wanted was to respond to your Invitation and hang out with all of you, espacially with You But I didn't... Maybe it was cause of Mr Jonestown pushing me in The yellow cab after your enduring appearance... Will we meet again? Massacre of Circumstances I am... I told Brian about it and he told me not to worry since all is written in the Anemone...

HomeLand

I Dreamed of a Home Coming in my Native Land. I Entered the Front Door, dropped my Suitcase on the Wooden Floor Little Sister made some Below-the-Belt Comment I jumped on her Throat and Disfigured her Cute Face Mom Ordered me to Leave and this Time to Never Come Back... I picked up my Suitcase, and through the Back Door, left Home Forever.

A Night Listening to You

Remember that Time you played this Song Leaning against the Brick, you Moved your Pink Lips Closed your big Blue Eyes for a Second And Sang Sang Sang to Me...

Sonnet 147

My love is as a Fever, longing still For that which longer nurseth the disease, Feeding on that which doth preserve the ill, The uncertain sickly appetite to please. My reason, the physician to my love, Angry that his prescriptions are not kept, Hath left me, and I desperate now approve Desire is death, which physic did except. Past cure I am, now reason is past care, And frantic-mad with evermore unrest; My thoughts and my discourse as madmen's are, At random from the truth vainly express'd; For I have sworn thee fair and thought thee bright, Who art as black as hell, as dark as night. William Shakespeare, Sonnet 147