Sharing Fluids

Today's my day off. I have to study for this last exam but also had planned to go buy a few things one of them being a case for my computer. So I figured taking the dogs along'd be an efficient way to run my errands and to walk them all at once. I went to this place far from home cause I knew they thought they'd have it. They didn't. Then remembered another place further carries it. Finally arrived, I realised they would not allow two dogs in their « how so fancy » store but luckely the store has a double entrance so I can leave them inside the first. So I grabbed the two dogs on each end. The fat one's not easily grabbable, he's jerky. I try to open the door with one finger and give a powerful swing to open the metallic door fast on which I BANG my TOE. It's the kind of pain that makes you want to kill someone, that is, if they'd be someone around. Well, I'm on a mission I need a computer case so I focus, scream inside, look at my toe and think : shit there's blood !, tie the dogs and walk in. There's a lot of cases… I cannot figure which one I should select. The dogs are fussy in the front. I am afraid to look at my foot cause I can feel myself walking on some fluid of mine. I look around, I need help… Too many sales people just procrastinating… I try to initiate some eye contact with them to tell them I need a f… case NOW… Nobody picks up on it. I look at my white flip flop and it's litterally red. I feel like fainting… NO, I walked all the way I need a case NOW… The dogs are agitated, I yell : « Can someone help me ? » Everybody gives me a mean look, this guy comes. I tell him I'm in a hurry I need a case for my comupter now, the cheap kind, anything… He ask me specifics about my computer… I tell him Mac 12 inch, he goes on a speech tengant on how macs and PCs fit the case differently… I interrupt him, tell him I don't care, to just find me something suitable NOW. He starts looking at the fancy one and flips the tag of each of them, starts commenting on how 13 inch's ok as well, my feet's glued to my flip flop cause of the blood viscosity. The dogs are vulnerable in the front :any nasty passenger might take them away…Some blood smell comes up my naustril. I yell again : « do you have kleenexes ? ». He stops his sales pitch. I cannot talk any longer so direct his attention onto my now red flip flop. His face's now paler, he goes to the box tissus and gives me 2 kleenexes. I bark : are you serious? rip the box off his hand, tear up douzains of tissues, leave the place limping and aimless. I cannot cover it up anymore, I'm not well… I grab the dogs…The sales guy comes out and tells me there's a clinic not so far. I walk towards it, the blood starts to spill on the floor, true, I can't go to a clinic with 2 dogs. I have to stop. I seat on some stairs, look for the first time at my foot, cannot tell where from it is that I'm bleeding, see pieces of bloats on the shoe. I need help… I struggle with the dogs, they relentlessly want to lick the shoe, my foot, this homeless dude aware of my condition come on to me for a light I give him a harsh no. I tells me I don't need to be so susceptible and that I should chill. I scream at him. He gets pissed off and starts spitting on his own hand. (I cannot believe my eyes, what is the guy up to now ? mixing his spit with my blood ?) I feel vulnerable, I scream to leave me the fuck alone… This street is filled with fithly people. Am I dead already or what ? I start crying, I'm in pain, I don't know how to stop the blood, the dogs, the homeless…the drug addicts…the whores… I need help… One of the dudes comes up to me, I'm not sure I have enough gusto left to punch him… I'm more in the what now kind of mood… He says, come in, I don't resist. I get in some strange building. He installs me in a puffy chair, ties the dogs and here comes this girl with a first aid case… She « glovelessly » cleans my foot and says nice things… I start laughing saying that for a nursing student I'm a bit of a pussy. Her face lights up as she tells me she's always dreamt to be a nurse. I cannot help but think that she'd do a much better job that I certainly would and want to tell her that THIS is her calling… This guy takes my shoe to go clean it and I stop him. It's blood covered, I mean I don't have any desease but still… at school we're brainwashed : our motto is : let's not share fluids ok ? That's when I ask where we are. A shelter she says… I stayed there for a while, wanted to leave cause tired to answer questions or hear comments such as : happened to one of my friend... You're shoe's ruined... or not, once home, clean it with bleach... you're from Europe ? that's a lot of blood you have on your shoe… Thankful I ran out from the place asap and was glad to have found a cab that'd accept 2 dogs. Waiting for the taxi the savior that got me into the shelter screams at the old whore that he would fuck her so well that she'd look 10 yrs yonger. He then winks at me thinking he's showed off his skills as a lover… The cab needs to come NOW… I'm home on my bed, I haven't clean my wound, I haven't look at it. I'm not moving. My heart is in my toe.

C’est peut-etre Mabelline

I'm feeling in love. C'est comme ca. It's happened all day... Nothing to do with a man, it's in the Air... I am Shining... I didn't woke up this way though... I dreamt that Mom was coming to pick me up so we'd go to the Cabin and I'd study surrounded by my Family. Woke up peacefully and content : Mom's coming!... was horrified to realise that I'm on the wrong side of the ocean for this to happen. Still in shock, I'm going to the outside world so the dogs can pee, mecanically check out my mail box where a letter from Home's awaiting : a beautiful loving letter from my Mom & Dad with a happy b-day drawing from my favorite and only Niece… (she's wishing happy b-day to both my dog and I)… this girl's awsome… she can even remember my dog's b-day ! Plus on the drawing my Dog and I are both smiling, my figure's astonishing, I'm well-dressed +« well-shoed », surrounded by Flowers and protected by our happy comforting friend, the Sun. Neitherless to say this made my day ! I got myself ready, felt empowered… and figured I owed it to my Niece to dress up the way she thinks of me. She once said I am beautiful. Nothing makes me happier to hear it from her cause her courage and determination inspire me… So I chose a beautiful dress, the shoes just like in the drawing. I went even further : wore Mascara. I mean since I'm here I'm figuratively Virginal and Plain. I could play the part for Manon des Sources in her thirties. I haven't wore any form of make up for the past two months. My mom had sent me this amazing Hydrating Swiss Cream and that's that. I carry my Niece and Family love within me the way Obi-wan Kenobi carries the Force. I walked down the streets like a Free-Spirited Woman, embracing the Unexpected. May the Force be with Us

Vermeer and Nightingale

I've tried it all, cafes, friends, home, bed, floor, legs up against the wall, music, t.v., silence... all possible locations, positions... any possible ways to study ... some work some don't... but this time, it sounds right. I met this guy who happens to be an amazing painter. He has this fair skin muse... paints her over and over and she's just fascinating looking. Well, this week end I studied at his studio while he painted and it was perfect. Studying interventions for myocardial infarctus while Fair Lady eyebrow's being defined's just delightful... People, it worked!!! Plus after hours of pure labor we ended up rewarding us watching some Woody Allen. I am a big fan (Woody's really into "Crime & Punishment") but love Mia Farrow even more. This woman is for real... I want to be just like her when I grow up. I also want to find the glasses she's wearing in this film... I ll see Fair Lady from the painting again tomorrow and know that another productive day awaits.

stucked with Natalie video

I've been trying to remove the Natalie Portman video that's on my profile but it doesn't work... I don't think it takes a PhD to do so, they're a fonction "remove from profile". I've clicked on it a douzain of time and yet Natalie's still on... Any suggestions, anybody? I don't have much patience for computers lately. Speaking of which today's national moving day in Canada. Don't ask me why but most Montrealers move out July 1st. So I found a "good as new" printer on the street yersteday. It prints like a charm. Today I found a better T.V. than the one I had found last month... I guess you'd call that an upgrade. Martina carried all the bags we had so I could carry the T.V. She's moving back to Schweitz on Monday. I'll miss her greatly. We had an amazing day, lots of yard sales, productive thrift shopping day and of course ice cream. She left me some stuff she didn't want to take home: clothing and some essential oil lavander foambath that I'm psyched to use. Meeting Martina had a great impact on me. Aside from my family that I absolutely adore, I don't particularily enjoy the presence of Swiss people (this is obviously a generalization but I've always had a hard time to relate to the culture and its people). Involontarily Martina showed me lots of attributes that I had forgot about Mountain people. There's this thing about cultural quirks and when you're abroad for so many years you simply adapt to wherever you are forgetting that these so called cultural quirks even exist. But then you meet someone from the village next to yours and there're all these shortcuts... in no time your psyche connects effortlessly to the person to a much deeper level. Well, it's been refreshing to experience that with Martina and reconnect to these qualities I knew but mostly forgot about. Qualities such as good old commun sense, authenticity, healthy mind set, simplicity, purity, honesty and integrity. Makes me want to aim for nothing less. Thank you Martina.